Saturday, July 19, 2008

Baby Boom

The other day I read an article on AOL (the only reliable news source one should ever trust) about 2007 being the year for America's next Baby Boom. About 4,315,000 million babies were born in 07, the most in American history. The article went on to say that it can't really be considered a Baby Boom because the population is so much larger now then it was in 1957 (the peak of the post World War II Baby Boom). But quickly after that sentence I lost interest in the article and closed the link. It would really crush me if you did the same after reading the first paragraph of this post.

How fucking dare you!

I consider myself to be an independent thinker and I try to be an original, but maybe I'm not... Maybe I'm just as mindless as the other 4,314,999 men that decided to shoot their loads in 2007. And just in case you don't know, 4,314,999 + 1 = 4,315,000.

When my wife and I decided that we wanted to become parents in 2006 I don't recall saying to her "we might as well, everyone else is doing it." I remember wanting to be a father so I had a son to play ball with, a son to go fishing with, a son to carry on the legacy of Captain Corky some day, and most importantly a son that I could love. All original and sensible reasons for wanting to have a child.

I also remember a lot of celebrities having babies in 2007 and all sorts of movies being made on the subject, and at the time I was swept up in the emotion of being an expecting parent and the timing seemed perfect. But now I'm starting to realize that Max is going to have a lot more competition than either me or any of the Baby Boomers ever had when he strikes out on his own into the cold cruel world.

True he will have the gift of my blood running through his veins and the Corky looks and the Corky intellect that I bestowed upon him, but will that be enough for him to compete with the other 4,314,999 human beings born in 2007? And what about all the babies that were born in 2006 and all the babies that are being born now? That's a shit load of babies!

Let's just be clear about something though, when Allyson and I decide to have our next baby it won't be because Brad Pitt's having a baby, or a crusty old book tells us that we should be fruitful and multiply, and it certainly won't be because of my fear and insecurities about my own mortality, and we won't even have anouther kid for the tax credit. I'm simply not that mindless. It'll be because three Corkys are better than two.

41 comments:

Mike Golch said...

my question about this new baby boom,is how mand of these "parents" are unwed teenages?? and hao many of the new grand parents are going to be supporting their children and grand children??
that is the scarry thing.
that is the way I see it!

Cheryl said...

Three Corky's would be a blessing to this planet. You need to have another just to enrich the lives of the rest of us. Of course if it's a Corkette....

Tod said...

Lose interest in one of your posts Corky? Never!

That's a shame about the baby boom. I suggest putting growth hormone in Corky Juniors breakfast. Then he can break ahead of the crowd and beat his generation to the Nobel prize.

Jay said...

I thought you guys had a kid so that Allyson could start her own blog and get in on that "Mommy Blogger" racket they have going. ;-)

The Lone Beader said...

All I know is currently, I know about 5 people who are pregnant! I think this is the baby boom year!

Princess Pointful said...

Oh, I think the article hit a sore spot! Corky doesn't like to be considered a sheep now, does he? ;)

Life with JJ, Starr and Spice said...

What happens if your plans are foiled and your 2nd corky turns out to be a corkette? Now that will really shake the balance of power in Corky's world!

Oh and in the adoption world it is well known that we are all adopting beasue it is the "fashionable thing to do to have an Asian Child in your home" Katie and Ethan are now relegated to handbag status...unbelievable!!

little wanderer said...

Max will be so ahead of all the other babies born in 2007 because he is a Corky so dont you be worrying OK!!!

Barbara Doduk said...

Wow that is a lot of babies.

captain corky said...

Mike: I just wish that all parties involved in your scenario could take a healthy, thoughtful approach to dealing with those kind of issues.

Cheryl: A Corkette would be very interesting and of course very welcomed. Allyson is kind of hoping for a little girl next time. I wouldn't mind one either after my three sons are born. ;)

Tod: That's not a bad idea at all. Nothing starts a day off quite right like a bowl of fruit and cereal mixed with a little human growth hormone for good measure.

Beader: I know quite a few too. This is a big year for the continuation of our species. ;)

Princess: Not at all! And sometimes when he feels like he's been a sheep he bangs his head against the wall until the feeling subsides. ;)

captain corky said...

Lori: Do you have any idea how astronomical the odds are against that happening? ;)

The people that think like that really scare me.

Little Wanderer: Thanks! That's a marvelous point. ;)

Barbara Doduk: And that's not even counting how many babies are born over seas and in outer space. ;)

Casdok said...

That is a lot of babies! But cant have enough Corkys!

bonnie said...

Sounds like '07 was one big party. A restless year for sperm. If you don't like Corkette, I guess you could go with Corkina or Corkelle or just Qe*rk?@&*

katie said...

'07 will always be remembered as the year of the shooting sperm.

well, the fact remains, Max is cuter than most of our kids, Corkster. so i'm thinkin' he's gonna be just fine. he's way cuter than that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. i mean, come on!! i'd much rather have Corkster's genetics than Brad's!! so overrated those 2 are. :)

anyways, i agree! you can never have enough Corky! the more Corky the better!

Maddy said...

It's grim when you realize that you're not a trend setter but merely a sheep, or maybe I'm projecting.
Baaaa

Ashley Ladd said...

I read that AOL news article about the 2007 baby "Boomlet".

It's just a bit of interesting trivia. I was born in 59 so not far from the Baby Boom and I don't think it hurt me. I'm an only child and like you said, my parents didn't have me just to be part of the boom.

Pink said...

copycat

whimsical brainpan said...

"It'll be because three Corkys are better than two."

Amen!

Nice post.

Joshua said...

umm....hi =)

congrats on makin it the first year and humm....

Ok that's all for now.

Biddie said...

I agree that the teen pregnancy thing is out of control and there are way too many grandparents raising grandkids.
I would just like to point out that I was 18 when KC was born. My parents never even babysat. I took care of her 100%
She is a recent collage grad and I am SO proud of her. Some of us unwed moms do ok.

So, are you thinking adding another lil Corky?????

captain corky said...

Casdok: Exactly! More Corkys to go around. ;)

Bonnie: LOL! Corkina's not bad at all. ;)

Katie: 07 was a very good year for sex.

And thank you for your very kind words about Max.

Maddy: I'll never conform. Never! Except getting married, getting a job, having a kid and wearing a collard shirt to work. There may or may not be a few things I'm flexible on. ;)

Ashley Ladd: I was born in 1970 and that's not too far from 59. Just think if you grew up in NJ you could have been my babysitter. ;)

captain corky said...

Pink: Not me. Couldn't be.

Whim: We may have to turn that into some sort of a prayer. ;)

Joshua: Hi and thanks!

Biddie: We could be... ;)

HoosierGirl5 said...

Man, I am WAY behind on my "Corky"! You and Allison will have another baby because A. you make beautiful babies and B. you don't want to miss up an excuse to have lots of sex. (wink)

J.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Oops...that should be "you don't want to miss an excuse to have lots of sex".

Shouldn't type comments at 4AM!

J.

Terri said...

you will be having another baby because you just can't stand knowing how cute Max is and that you can have a few more!!! Oh and you don't want him to be alone and you can give him someone to beat up on.

Crashdummie said...

no one can say anything abt u being orignal corky, if not somewhat "special" ;)

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/funny-pictures-owls-twisted-head.jpg

fiwa said...

I like the last sentence "...because three Corkys are better than two."

The question is, would you have Brad Pitt's baby?

I thought you had some news for us, that there WAS a corkette on the way or something. :)

lovins -
fiwa

Anonymous said...

Max is way out ahead of all the other babies because he has inherited his Daddy's "youthful John Travolta-esque" good looks.

leslie said...

What if you had twins?
How would that skew the numbers?

Burfica said...

whooohooo new corky's are good things, just don't let anyone dictate to you when and how you should go about it.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

since when is AOL the pinnacle of reliable news? i thought that was fox, because they are so fair and balanced...

Big Pissy said...

That's what we need: MORE Corkys

VE said...

Do you get a bulk discount for them? Oh, hey, stop by the blog, I cooked up something 'special' this week...

captain corky said...

Hoosiergirl5: Falling behind on Corky is a very serious offense! But since you were on the road I guess I can find it in my heart to forgive. And 4:00 AM is the best time to type comments. ;)

Terri: You're right! He definitely needs someone to beat up on. So far our cat has been awfully nice to Max. ;)

Crashdummie: I like being special. ;)

Fiwa: Um... I don't think I could ever have Brad Pitt's baby. What Superhero did he ever play? ;)

Anonymous: LOL! I'm just glad he didn't inherit John Travolta's chin clef. Allyson would have had some explaining to do! ;)

captain corky said...

Leslie: I leave that kind of complicated math up to the brilliant statisticians to figure out. ;)

Burfica: Believe me, some people have tried, but don't worry, we have a plan in place. ;)

Tequila: Fox and company aint got nothin on AOL. AOL Forever!!!

Big Pissy: Exactly! ;)

VE: Congrats!!!

Palm Springs Savant said...

me thinks four corkys are better than two...

Portia said...

Glad to know you don't plan on an *oops* ...but then no one does, do they.. :)

Aunt Jackie said...

HAHAHA!!! But what if you have a "Corkette"?? Will you be as positive?

Yes I agree there is just too much "copy-catting" going on. People should live their way and stop mimicking the next monkey.

CarmenSinCity said...

I couldn't have said it better :)

captain corky said...

Rick: Even better!

Portia: No plans for an oops anytime soon, but like you said, you never know. ;)

AJ: Of course I will. And I promise to let her out of her room before she's 35. ;)

Carmensincity: I don't even know If I could say it again. ;)

etain_lavena said...

Hello Al Capitan.....missed you lots.....
1) shoot your load....well YAY for sexy time;)
2) Max will be just fine, 1 in a kabazilion...

Have a lovely day
HUGZ