Monday, August 04, 2008


A couple of months back Allyson, Max and I were in a car crash. Thankfully, none of us were injured. But the incident has made me realize that certain preparations must be made in the unfortunate event that both Allyson and I expire before July, 6th, 2025 (Max's 18th birthday).

Therefore as God and you (the reader) as my witnesses, we have decided to leave our son ,Max, in the care of our beloved cat, Fonzie.

Max has officially spoken his first word: Cat. "So let it be written. So let it be done."

It's clear to me that Max has a psychic rapport with the cat. Why else would he say cat before he said Dad?

There is no doubt in my mind that Fonzie is capable of caring for our son. He's a very formidable cat with claws and girth. I don't think a raccoon would stand a chance against him and I've seen with my own eyes what happens to a bug that comes into contact with Fonzie.

I also know that Fonzie would make sure that Max didn't spend too much time in front of the television (another beloved family pet) on a school night.

Now if anything should ever happen to us and Fonzie, we have a serious problem, because I could never leave Max in the care of our other Cat. She has too many fucking issues and only cares about eating and being left alone. Plus, I don't think she's nearly as formidable as the Fonz, although she does OK against moths and spiders.

I wonder what Max's second word will be... My first word was Budweiser, and obviously my second word was America, but that was 1970 and the world's a much different place today.


HAR said...

Good choice. Nobody beats the Fonz.

That picture of Max is pretty darn CUTE! What a beautiful smile and he looks like a very happy little squirt.

erika said...

I believe his second word shall be oompa.
And his third: loompa.

furiousBall said...

if ends up with tanya roberts, you'll be proud

Jay said...

I'm pretty sure his second word will be Antidisestablishmentantarianism.

The Fonz is a great choice. I'm sure he will take his responsibilities very seriously.

Tod said...

Fonzie sounds like he's more than up to the job.

fiwa said...

I bet his second word will be nachos!

Wise choice - anyone named Fonzie ought to be up to the job.

Burfica said...

Oh that Fonzie sounds better than alot of today's parents.

His second word better be Star-Trek

VE said...

Now if your first word is Budweiser your second better be Belgium...Bud got bought out by them...

Dana said...

I'm with Bufrica, although I was thinking more along the lines of "Spock", "Bones" or "Kirk"

leslie said...

OMG! What if Max has to be raised by racoons???!!!

Anonymous said...

Nice eyeball ring, Beastmaster.
Is that a young John Travolta standing beneath it?

Ashley Ladd said...

Let me know what the attorney says about this one. I could write a story based on it.

Snowflake said...

word 2....
auntie snowflake. : )

DJ Kirkby said...

All these months of reading your blog and still I can never tell where each post will take me...though the laughs are guarenteed!

captain corky said...

Har: Thanks! He's a really happy baby and I hope he stays that way for the rest of his life.

Erika: Very probable. ;)

Furiousball: Until she speaks that is.

Jay: He got lots of practice with cousins like Chachi and Spike always hanging around so it should be cool.

Tod: He might be a little grumpier though cause he spends a good deal of the day sleeping and he won't be able to once he has to start teaching Max how to pounce on rats, but I'm sure he'll get over it sooner or later.

captain corky said...

Fiwa: Nacho sounds like a word that Max would really laugh at.

Burfica: Yes, and he better be able to recite the opening monologue by the time he's two or he'll be sent straight to bed on his birthday without getting any porridge.

VE: I don't believe you. Only a commie would try and spread that kind of vicious rumor to try and demoralize the masses.

Dana: All three will be more than acceptable!

Leslie: I'll make sure that he's raised by muskrats before that happens!

captain corky said...

Anonymous: Older John Travolta is starting to get insulted cause you always talk about a younger Travolta.

Ashley Ladd: I will. He should be reading along any day now. ;)

Snowfalke: Possibly. Thanks for the sleepers! They look awesome and I will post pics of him in one very soon.

DJ Kirkby: Thank you for the kind words.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I bet you misunderstood. His first word might have been cat...but his second will be pussy. Totally different.

Sassy Mama Bear said...

Seriously did you bump your head? The cat?
I can't even begin to comprehend this.
Were you not training him to say dad, even Captain, would have been better. Of course, my sister's first word was oil for some damn reason.
I'll take Max, I need a little one around, at least Allen keeps saying so.
I'll even take the cat :)

The Lone Beader said...

Kids love their pets more than they love their parents!

Biddie said...

What a great idea! When my kids were small, I was just gonna leave them to Heidi and Jethro.
I am a bit disappointed though...I really thought that his first word would be Biddie.I mean, really it's an easy enough word..BIDDIE...

whimsical brainpan said...

LOL! Sounds like a good choice.

My first word was cookie. I think I have a psychic connection with them (unless they have rasins in them).

Anonymous said...

god, i love that you have a cat named Fonzie! coolest cat name ever. well, that is except for the name of my cat. The Cat. or Cat. that's her name. and if people don't like it she tells them to fuck off and kicks litter at them. she's a really friendly cat like that. :)

I have missed ya, Corky! but i am back to bloggin' now! hope all is well in your world, man!

willSIX said...

Dude, I honestly have no friggin' clue what you're even talking about anymore.

Ashley said...

Maybe as a preventative measure, you could sell your house and have Fonzie cloned in one of the Koreas like some woman from California did. Then, you really have a backup plan!

I guess I have been on a bit of a blogger hiatus, but I am back in business.

jAMiE said...

That Fonzie cat will take his duties very seriously i to the second word he might say...hmmm...i have no idea but i can't wait to find out.

Crashdummie said...

Fonzie? U named ur cat Fonzie? Thats just precious! hahaha

But then again, you have yourself to blame. max being the smart lad as he is, ofcourse he'll see the coolness and utter Cat as his first word.

Maybe his second word can be "Superman"... or why not "Batman".

No hang on... he might be trying to say "catwoman" instead of "cat".

After all, like father, like son ;)

captain corky said...

Real: LOL! Now that would totaly shock me! ;)

Sassy: I've did everything in my power to make his first word Dad. We practiced every day for hours on end, and then he goes and says cat... ;)

Katie: Glad you're back! I was wondering where you went cause you always seem happy when you blog.

Willsix: Sometimes I have no idea what I'm talking about either. Those moments are the scariest. ;)

Ashley: That's not a bad idea. Maybe I could clone an entire army of Fonzies. That would be really cool!

captain corky said...

Beader: That's not true! That's impossible. ;)

Biddie: I'm pretty sure his third word is going to be Biddie. I'll start doubling my efforts. ;)

Whim: Have you ever had McDonalds chocolate chip cookies? They're amazing!

Jamie: Yes he will or I'll come back and haunt him. ;)

Crashie: I certainly wasn't going to name him Potsie or Ralph. ;)

Cat woman would be a very good second word.

Guilty Secret said...

Oh Corky you're too good ;)

I have a picture of Fonzie on my bedroom wall (the original, not your cat) and Baddie tries to get me to take it down but I just quote Pulp Fiction at him.

"What we gonna be like?"

"And what's Fonzie like?"

"Be cool, muthafucka, be cool!"