For those of you heathens that are having trouble getting into a festive mood just because your going to be alone this Christmas... I'm here to help. I'm going to help you manufacture some good old Christmas spirit. First of all you'll need to run out and buy Christmas with the Rat Pack. The Cd is incredible! Just like bottled water it's all about the packaging folks. These guys have been dead for some time now, and yet I find myself buying a new Rat Pack Christmas CD every year despite the fact that I have every single song on this particular Cd ten times over. Hey, was this album produced by George Lucas or what?
Since your spending Christmas alone this year, you'll have to buy a bottle of your favorite hard Liquor, beer won't cut it. Perhaps some Vodka or Scotch. I know that all the experts out there tell people to never drink alone, but fuck that! I've done some of my best drinking by myself. Plus a nice warm little buzz always helps you feel Christmas more. If you live alone, chances are you smoke. I've never met anyone who lives alone that doesn't smoke besides my grandmother. You won't have to listen to anyone bitch about your smoke or go outside because hey, It's just you, Frank, Dean and Sammy and they all smoked two to three pack a day. If you smoke light cigarettes upgrade to unfiltered cigarettes, or Newports. Don't be a wuss, it's Christmas!
Warning: Under no circumstance are you too answer the phone while spending Christmas by yourself! The last thing you want to do is here your friends and family laughing and having a good time. Fuck them, they don't know how to have real fun. Those sheep need other people to have fun. Not you!
After you have ignored three of four calls, smoked half a pack and are starting to see double, it's time to turn off the Rat Pack and watch It's a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street. Both movies are acceptable for surviving Christmas alone. Even though your alone it's nice to watch other people (as long as it's on television) getting their shit together. Hell, this could be the last time you ever drink or spend Christmas alone. Once or twice is enough for anybody! After watching one of the above mentioned movies you will decide that next year come hell or high water, your going to spend Christmas with somebody, anybody damn it. For those of you that are a little more ambitious you might even venture out to a bar at this point. Good for you! You'll either fine the same 7 schmucks you see at the bar 5 times a week or a couple of independent people just like you, and me. Either way you'll probably have a good time. Shit, somebody might even buy you a shot or two.
You might even have a spiritual conversion at some point during the night, If this happens call your local Church or call Alcoholic's Anonymous , and ask for Bill, he'll help you from this point forward. For the rest of you. You'll find that you didn't die, you enjoyed some good drink and music, and next year things are going to be diffrent!
Since your spending Christmas alone this year, you'll have to buy a bottle of your favorite hard Liquor, beer won't cut it. Perhaps some Vodka or Scotch. I know that all the experts out there tell people to never drink alone, but fuck that! I've done some of my best drinking by myself. Plus a nice warm little buzz always helps you feel Christmas more. If you live alone, chances are you smoke. I've never met anyone who lives alone that doesn't smoke besides my grandmother. You won't have to listen to anyone bitch about your smoke or go outside because hey, It's just you, Frank, Dean and Sammy and they all smoked two to three pack a day. If you smoke light cigarettes upgrade to unfiltered cigarettes, or Newports. Don't be a wuss, it's Christmas!
Warning: Under no circumstance are you too answer the phone while spending Christmas by yourself! The last thing you want to do is here your friends and family laughing and having a good time. Fuck them, they don't know how to have real fun. Those sheep need other people to have fun. Not you!
After you have ignored three of four calls, smoked half a pack and are starting to see double, it's time to turn off the Rat Pack and watch It's a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street. Both movies are acceptable for surviving Christmas alone. Even though your alone it's nice to watch other people (as long as it's on television) getting their shit together. Hell, this could be the last time you ever drink or spend Christmas alone. Once or twice is enough for anybody! After watching one of the above mentioned movies you will decide that next year come hell or high water, your going to spend Christmas with somebody, anybody damn it. For those of you that are a little more ambitious you might even venture out to a bar at this point. Good for you! You'll either fine the same 7 schmucks you see at the bar 5 times a week or a couple of independent people just like you, and me. Either way you'll probably have a good time. Shit, somebody might even buy you a shot or two.
You might even have a spiritual conversion at some point during the night, If this happens call your local Church or call Alcoholic's Anonymous , and ask for Bill, he'll help you from this point forward. For the rest of you. You'll find that you didn't die, you enjoyed some good drink and music, and next year things are going to be diffrent!
