Noel

For your viewing pleasure make sure to turn to TBS on Christmas day. A Christmas Story is a must to have on while preparing meals or opening presents. At some point during the day your going to get sucked into to watching this fabulous movie. It brings a tear to my eye every year, and I become very nostalgic for the Christmas's of my past and very hopeful for the Christmas's of my future.


Christmas past:
Every year Kim Jong Ramone and Mr. and Mrs. Kim Jong Ramone have the best Christmas Eve Party ever. You really should go over to KJR's blog and read about it from his point of view.

Back in the day we used to go over to Kim Jong Ramones and spend Christmas eve up in his bedroom. That's where we teenagers were relegated too and for good reason. KJR had a giant water bed that fit 50 and he had a bar in his bedroom. What kid has a fully stocked bar in his bedroom? You only see shit like that on TV, unless you happened to be friends with KJR. With KJR's vision and my personality we make for a great team, and that's why after the first year of attending the KJR family Christmas party it was renamed to the Captain Corky/Kim Jong Ramone Annual Christmas Regalia or Outing if you like.
I would spend the beginning of the night fighting with the Birdman over the remote and KJR would try to stick Smokey and the Bandit into the VCR while we were fighting. I was always the first to show up at the party, about 5 hours early, under the guise of coming over to help set up. It just so happens that I would have my first cocktail at about 3 in the afternoon. Then the Birdman would leave to go have Christmas Eve at his parent's house. They put up their tree every year on Christmas Eve and leave it up well into February. I put up my tree in early March and take it down right before the Super Bowl.

After the Birdman would leave, all sorts of people would come and go. The list of characters is almost endless. Craig Dickinson, Chino, Platt, Abby, Jenny, Karen, random girl friends of the month and KJR's cousin Noelle... just to name a few. By the end of the night some of us would be very drunk and all of us would be doing weird things on Lou's water bed.

I'm not going to talk about the food here, it's not my place. I'm leaving that for Kim Jong Ramone. Let's just say that his father and Aunt could cook like nobodies business! The Apologist would always show up in the nick of time to eat KJR's family out of house and home.

My favorite part of the night was around midnight when we would all go out and sit on KJR's roof and drink OR choose not to drink. Some years the snow would be falling, and it was just a perfect moment. I love listening to the silence of Christmas in the middle of the night. It's what makes this holiday so special for me. By about 4:am a drunken KJR, Captain Corky,The Apologist, and the sober Birdman would fight over the VCR again. By noon the next day we were up and ready to begin our Christmas day extravaganza. Truly good times.

Christmas Present:
This year is extra special for me and Allyson. It's going to be our last Christmas together alone. Next year Corky JR. will be with us. It's a very exciting time around here despite my poor wife's bout with morning sickness we'll do the usual stuff per SHOP (standard holdiay operating procedures) like opening presents after eating our traditional holiday breakfast of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and Coffee (decaf for Allyson this year).

We also exchange gifts with Erika (our roommate/Allyson's best friend/ my surrogate wife when Allyson is not around, and this doesn't mean she performs sexual favors for me you perverted freaks!) Then we'll go over to Al and Sharon's(in laws) and eat a nice holiday meal. Hopefully Al will never ask me to say Grace again. I think he learned his lesson the first time he asked me after he had to apologize to God for my lack of enthusiasm. It is now Mandatory that my mother makes it to Kentucky for Christmas every year starting next year, when ever I can't make it back to NJ because of work.

Christmas future: How the fuck do I know? I'm not a seer.

I've enjoyed getting to know everybody this year, it has been a blast! I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and gets everything they wish or hope for, or at least very drunk.
"God bless us, everyone!"
Tiny Tim

One week to go until the countdown begins again!

The holiday crunch is officially upon us! How do I know this? Because last night at work I witnessed the finest holiday spread ever known to man kind. Two cases of White Castles, two stacks of fresh Krispy Kreme donuts and two boxes of Krispy Kreme coffee. Yum! From last night forward our office will be filled with this wonderful food every night. The Birdman and Kim Jong Ramone would wet themselves if they worked with me, and the Grumbler and Willsix would shit themselves.

Whenever Christmas falls on a Sunday or a Monday I get an extra special Christmas bonus at work, an extra day added to my schedule. Yep, I'll be working 6 days next week. It's OK though, I'll get to redeem that day sometime during the next quarter along with an extra day for the day after Thanksgiving and New Years Eve(I'm not working New Years Eve, but I get a day off for it because it falls on the weekend).

We're just about done with our Christmas shopping. Most of the presents under the tree are for me! Allyson went to town yesterday (What a wonderful woman). Next year most of the presents under the tree will be for Corky's offspring, so we decided to spoil ourselves one last time. Who the hell am I kidding, there will be plenty of presents for me as well!

Every year the during the first week of December I get a half month bonus that is used exclusively for presents ( not so long ago things were so tight that I used this bonus to catch up on bills, but hopefully those days are gone forever). We split the bonus for our holiday shopping. Now that there's going to be three of us, one of us has to be cut out. Sorry Allyson. I'm sure that Corky Jr.(regardless of the child's gender, the child will be named Corky Jr.) and I will make you something nice. Perhaps a replica of our apartment made out of Popsicle sticks.

I hope everybody has a great weekend! Feel free to enjoy our fake tree. Can you guess which ornaments are mine? Oh and sorry about that musty electrical socket eye sore, I haven't gotten around to painting that wall yet.

Christmas Prayer: Dear God, please show Nonny the way. She doesn't belive in Beta, help her to see the light.