Thursday, December 21, 2006


For your viewing pleasure make sure to turn to TBS on Christmas day. A Christmas Story is a must to have on while preparing meals or opening presents. At some point during the day your going to get sucked into to watching this fabulous movie. It brings a tear to my eye every year, and I become very nostalgic for the Christmas's of my past and very hopeful for the Christmas's of my future.

Christmas past:
Every year Kim Jong Ramone and Mr. and Mrs. Kim Jong Ramone have the best Christmas Eve Party ever. You really should go over to KJR's blog and read about it from his point of view.

Back in the day we used to go over to Kim Jong Ramones and spend Christmas eve up in his bedroom. That's where we teenagers were relegated too and for good reason. KJR had a giant water bed that fit 50 and he had a bar in his bedroom. What kid has a fully stocked bar in his bedroom? You only see shit like that on TV, unless you happened to be friends with KJR. With KJR's vision and my personality we make for a great team, and that's why after the first year of attending the KJR family Christmas party it was renamed to the Captain Corky/Kim Jong Ramone Annual Christmas Regalia or Outing if you like.
I would spend the beginning of the night fighting with the Birdman over the remote and KJR would try to stick Smokey and the Bandit into the VCR while we were fighting. I was always the first to show up at the party, about 5 hours early, under the guise of coming over to help set up. It just so happens that I would have my first cocktail at about 3 in the afternoon. Then the Birdman would leave to go have Christmas Eve at his parent's house. They put up their tree every year on Christmas Eve and leave it up well into February. I put up my tree in early March and take it down right before the Super Bowl.

After the Birdman would leave, all sorts of people would come and go. The list of characters is almost endless. Craig Dickinson, Chino, Platt, Abby, Jenny, Karen, random girl friends of the month and KJR's cousin Noelle... just to name a few. By the end of the night some of us would be very drunk and all of us would be doing weird things on Lou's water bed.

I'm not going to talk about the food here, it's not my place. I'm leaving that for Kim Jong Ramone. Let's just say that his father and Aunt could cook like nobodies business! The Apologist would always show up in the nick of time to eat KJR's family out of house and home.

My favorite part of the night was around midnight when we would all go out and sit on KJR's roof and drink OR choose not to drink. Some years the snow would be falling, and it was just a perfect moment. I love listening to the silence of Christmas in the middle of the night. It's what makes this holiday so special for me. By about 4:am a drunken KJR, Captain Corky,The Apologist, and the sober Birdman would fight over the VCR again. By noon the next day we were up and ready to begin our Christmas day extravaganza. Truly good times.

Christmas Present:
This year is extra special for me and Allyson. It's going to be our last Christmas together alone. Next year Corky JR. will be with us. It's a very exciting time around here despite my poor wife's bout with morning sickness we'll do the usual stuff per SHOP (standard holdiay operating procedures) like opening presents after eating our traditional holiday breakfast of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and Coffee (decaf for Allyson this year).

We also exchange gifts with Erika (our roommate/Allyson's best friend/ my surrogate wife when Allyson is not around, and this doesn't mean she performs sexual favors for me you perverted freaks!) Then we'll go over to Al and Sharon's(in laws) and eat a nice holiday meal. Hopefully Al will never ask me to say Grace again. I think he learned his lesson the first time he asked me after he had to apologize to God for my lack of enthusiasm. It is now Mandatory that my mother makes it to Kentucky for Christmas every year starting next year, when ever I can't make it back to NJ because of work.

Christmas future: How the fuck do I know? I'm not a seer.

I've enjoyed getting to know everybody this year, it has been a blast! I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and gets everything they wish or hope for, or at least very drunk.
"God bless us, everyone!"
Tiny Tim


Tod said...

[we would all go out and sit on KJR's roof and drink OR choose not to drink. Some years the snow would be falling, and it was just a perfect moment.]

What a cool thing to do. Sounds great!

I don't think I've come across "A Christmas Story." I'll look out for it. I'm a sucker for all films Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Lady K said...

That is one of my FAVORITE MOVIES EVER! And, it was filmed in CLEVELAND, where I hail from. WOOT! You BETCHA I'm gonna have that puppy on.

Truly good times, Cork. I also love that silence on Christmas Eve/Christmas. For some reason it just feels like all is right with the world, even if it is for a fleeting moment.

Enjoy your "last Christmas alone." Next year, you'll see, it'll be even better. xoxoxo!!!

RockDog said...

Sounds like a great time! I read Kim Jong Ramones psot as well...I can't believe you guys can ever get up the next day!

Merry Christmas!

Kim Jong Ramone said...

Merry Chistmas Captain Danny.

Ms. Tuesday said...

i love this post!

Been missin you guys but I dont have any presents bought yet or a tree up yet... so Ive been too busy to sit by the computer.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Sounds like a lot of fun.
You are very right to enjoy this last Christmas as a couple, but next year will be a ton of fun,too.
Merry Christmas.

Life, or Something Like It said...

Wow. 24 straight hours of A Christmas Story. I truly am in hell.
Have a great holiday, Corky.

Yasamin said...

smoky and the bandit? whats wrong with him? lol

traditions are so good to have. i have one. wait... no i dont. lol

happy holiday my good friend. i wish you all the laughter and happiness in the world this season.


name the baby after me.

thanks. lol

Kim Jong Ramone said...

Yasamin I will not stand by and let you tarnish the good name of Smokey And The Bandit. This is a cinematic masterpiece that deserves respect. God I love that movie.

and you will have to wait for the second child this one is named
Kim Jong Corky.

Justin's Mom said...

Enjoyable post, Corky! I only made it to KJR's a couple of times, and usually not till 3am, when most of you were already passed out. But the stories never get old...

Enjoy this Christmas with Allyson!

Justin's Mom said...

Oh, and pillsbury cinnamon rolls are the best! When we were little, my brother and I baked a package of rolls, and then opened a second container just to get the second jar of icing. So good.

Steven Novak said...

What use are you to me if you ren't a seer?

None. ;)


jetsgrumbler said...

saying grace: i think i have a story to rival yours.

at h's family's place on thanksgiving, everyone stood in a circle--all 15 cousins, aunts/uncles, etc--stood around in a circle and held hands while oldest brother said grace. i was not warned about this in advance, mind you, and it never occurred to me that i would be roped into a literal prayer circle. so i was sort of in shock. at the same time, h's father, who is about 300 pounds, was standing there in his long johns, because he had just come in from hunting and his pants were dirty. i was overwhelmed by fear that by holding their hands i was actually praying--which is sin in my atheist world view--and simultaneously panicking that i would start laughing at her father.

luckily, i made it, though i'm not sure i could do it again.

Sunshine said...

A very Merry to you and yours, and I'll be jealous of your wife's boobs in the new bra, because I'm fairly sure I'm not getting V.S. anything. Boo hoo.

Abby J said...

Love your grace story, laughed out loud at that one.
I'm not sure why at 16 it never occurred to me that it was odd KJR had bar in his bedroom... then again, the girls were so naive we probably thought you were drinking pepsi out of the jack daniels bottles.
Long live Stroker Ace.

kat said...

"he had to apologize to God for my lack of enthusiasm"

That is ABSOLUTELY hilarious! It's really really REALLY funny.

Yasamin said...

lol Hey Kim Jong Ramone... I'll Ro-SHam-Bo you for the baby name!! me first though!~

Anonying Opie and Anthony Fan said...

Well, it must be that time of the year when TBS runs A Christmas Story for 24 hrs and drive everyone FUCKIN nuts. Just how many times can you sit there and watch Raplhs parent fight over THAT SEXY lamp. I can say this I watch only one time and that is on Christmas Day. Just pop it into the old DVD player and it play and sit back and LAUGH MY FAT ASS OFF. Well, I hope everyone had a very HAPPY HOLIDAY and I hope You All have a VERY HAPPY NUDE YEAR.. See you all in the FUNNY HOUSE..