Running for Fun in the Hot Hot Sun

Sorry Ben and Max, but Dad does not like to run for fun in the hot hot sun!

But after the sun started to go down I raced Max to the bait house. Damn he's fast and damn I'm slow.

Last Saturday I got a chance to watch my sons sit down in front of the lake and eat together. It only lasted for a couple of minutes, but the image and emotions will stay with me for the rest of my life.

To watch them turn into brothers right before my very eyes is one of the greatest gifts I will ever receive in life.

Nothing beats watching them play, eat, fight, cry, scream, scheme, laugh, plot, talk, or read together. Nothing. Not even Star Trek, football, and fishing combined.

There was a time in my life when I thought that maybe being a father wasn't in the cards for Captain Corky, but I was blessed with two boys and was given an opportunity to raise my children the right way (for me) and by right way (for me) I mean alcohol and drug free.

Today my job is simple: don't drink or drug, listen, contribute to life, do the next right thing, and help others. By attempting to do that stuff on a daily basis I've been able to be a better father, get A's in college, and improve personal relationships with people in my life such as: my wife, sister, parents, and friends.

I guess its also easier to look into a mirror and see that the beauty inside is starting to match the beauty on the outside. ;)

Next month I'm meeting my birth sister, Wendi and her family. Once upon a time I thought the best had come and gone... but now I'm starting to truley believe the best is yet to come.

OG OT EHT YRARBIL DNA DAER, ELOHSSA!

Yesterday my family went to the local library. My wife had to drag me kicking and screaming because I don't like to go to places that have books but no coffee. That shit doesn't work for me. The Library at the University of Louisville has a coffee shop inside it so why doesn't our local library have one? I don't get it. All libraries should have coffee shops inside them. Or even better, free fucking coffee. I'd be willing to pay an extra penny a week so that all libraries in Kentucky have coffee. Then maybe I would go more than once every 5 years to skim through dusty old books.

I was wrong to kick and scream though, and it turns out that the local library has something better than a coffee shop. It has a comic book section. I should have known that the comic book section would completely pacify my younger son, Ben.

When we first arrived Ben was very excited and wanted to run and jump on everything. Look, I don't know how to behave in a library so how can I be expected to show my 2 year old how to behave in one. For the first 15 minutes or so I wound up dragging the screaming kid up and down the isles. I tried to sit down in two different places to read Curious George Goes to the Firehouse, but Ben wasn't interested. I felt like a complete and utter failure as a parent and I was ready to split town and leave the burden of raising both kids to my wife.

But then Ben and I just started walking like we were under a hypnotic spell from Zatana and arrived at a wall with comic books. We dropped to the floor and started pulling books off the shelf. I forgot Ben was there and Ben forgot that he was 2. Eventually my wife and older son found where we were and dragged us out of the coffeeless library, because it was time for the kids to get ready for bed. We wound up renting two graphic novels (The Justice Society and The Justice League) under Max's new library card. I'm not giving the books back. Shit, they aint under my name.

So on the way to work last night I had an epiphany... I should take Ben to the comic book store! I know we're gonna have fun there. I wonder how come they don't have coffee at the comic book shop... I guess they know that I'll never boycott so what's the point. 

The Boy of Tomorrow and his brother The Lad of Tomorrow.

No time like the present to train The Boy of Tomorrow how to be responsible with a cell phone. I know from experience that at any given time a cell phone can be dropped into a five gallon bucket of paint or left on the hood of a car only to go flying down Dixie Highway at 45 miles per hour. Sometimes cell phones just disappear in the cushion of a beloved red microfiber couch (along with a wallet, keys and the remotes to the TV and DVR) only to materialize three hundred dollars later in The Toddler of Today's hand.

Every time I turn around Max AKA The Boy of Tomorrow is asking me where his new phone is. Max also has two other cell phones but generally ignores them if favor of his new phone. Only when Ben, The Lad of Tomorrow, starts playing with one of Max's three cell phones does Max take notice.

He's constantly on the thing too! Pretending mostly to talk to Grandma Tina or his imaginary friend Ken Tieto. Ken Tieto has red hair and comes over in the middle of the night to hang out with The Boy of Tomorrow. I think Ken tries to get Max to smoke candy cigarettes and drink soda with caffeine in it. "Ken Tieto will be here soon". Sometimes I pick up the phone when Tieto calls and I tell the miscreant to stay the fuck home so Max can get some sleep but it doesn't work. I try to pump more information out of The Boy of Tomorrow about his friend but Max will only give me snippets of information about Ken. The rest I have to piece together. Ken's a lot like Eddie Haskell and has a pretty rough home life so I will be patient with him and let the little shit hang around.

In hindsight the only place we should have registered for Max is Radio Shack. The Boy of Tomorrow turns three in July and wants cupcakes and a radio for his birthday. He did play with his Batcycle and Batman figure for about three seconds tonight and drove it from the living room to the dinning room so there's hope for us having a relationship in the future. He also likes to drink a cup of tea and color before bedtime. Soon it will be tracing and working on Super Heroes but that's not for a few more years. And when he's sick he likes to lay in bed with me and have me read Showcase presents Green Lantern Voulume One to him.

On a quick and very brief note: Being a parent is crazy. I love it but it's fucking insane and scary as shit.

The Lad of Tomorrow loves to eat everything today. The tiny tot has never refused a meal. One time he didn't like a piece of broccoli. It was steamed and not spiced and a little under cooked. Of course it was at a restaurant and not cooked by me or my wife.

In this picture Ben is eating a piece of corned beef. The Lad has good taste considering the shit is eight dollars and change a pound. Tonight Max, Ben and I had Corned Beef on a bagel with a piece of American cheese. Allyson (Mother of The Boy and The Lad) helped Ben with half of his. I put two pieces of cheese on mines and sometimes I use Swiss. For a while I was using brown mustard but it makes my mouth break out in hives. Curious.

Note: The Lad of Tomorrow weighs three ounces less than The Boy of Tomorrow did at the age of One.The Lad of Tomorrow would have been okay had he been born in 1970 since he likes to play with things that don't require a two year contract and insurance. The Boy of Tomorrow would be up shit's creek without a paddle unless The Parent of the Past had the foresight to give the Boy of Tomorrow a toaster.

The only real thing I know about raising Max and Ben is that they will know all three season of Star Trek the Original Serires inside and out and when they turn fourteen I will throw a twenty thousand dollar birthday party (compliments of Grandma Tina) for each of them when they go through Pon farr.

"In Star Trek, Vulcan males and females go into heat every seven years,"  Unlike a Vulcan I go into heat every seven seconds but that's a post for another blog.

This Halloween I'm going as Captain Kirk. Max is going as Mr. Spock and Ben is going as Bones. Allyson hasn't committed on going as Uhura or Christine Chapel yet.

Another Note: If I can figure out a way to get Allyson to approve two cap guns I've been eyeballing at Kroger (Foodtown) then The Boy and The Lad will go as The Lone Ranger and Tonto. That would be really phat but I won't do the costumes without guns. When I grew up guns were a tool writers used on TV to teach morality. Now all they do is kill people... Rats.

A picture of Max and I fighting over a dimebag I found is his school bag in the year 2022.