Be a Lasting Part of Everlasting Love at Camp Anapolsky!

Camp promptly begins on Thursday morning when the camper wakes me up.

During the school year we try to foster an environment of independence and promote good habits with our children.

During Camp Anapolsky that shit changes.

Our day will roughly begin at 10:30. The camper and I will eat cereal for breakfast. I will drink coffee and the camper can drink orange or apple juice. If the counselor want's to sleep till 11:00 then the camper will get his own breakfast and watch TV until the counselor gets his ass out of bed.

Once the counselor is up only 1960s television will be permitted during breakfast. Danny Partridge yes, Cailou no!

(Please note: Cailou is the most annoying children's television program of all time. Period.)

After breakfast the counselor will have an off-period and the camper will be sent to his grandmother's house until 1:30. Once the counselor returns from his off-period there will be swimming, fishing, breaking shit, archery, shooting, coloring, and eating.

In the event of rain we will eat, color, and watch reruns of  1960s television all camp long.

The camper is so excited for camp that he was having trouble sleeping tonight and camp is still four days away. It's completely understandable. Camp Anapolsky is fucking awesome!

So do yourself a favor and send your kid to Camp Anapolsky for the Summer. Your kid will make life long friend, learn how to fish, and break shit.

More importantly your kid will experience the finest decade in the history of public broadcasting from shows like the Odd Couple, Batman, The Partridge Family, Bonanza, The Monkees, and the Holy Grail of television, Star Trek.

William Shatner is Coming to Town

The Best time of the year is upon us. Looking forward to holiday fun, trout fishing, football games, and cooler weather. There's no doubt that I'll enjoy all of the above, but I find my thoughts dwelling on the upcoming Summer of 2013.

WILLIAM SHATNER is coming to Louisville on July 26 and staying until July 28th. And the reason Bill's coming to town is obvious to anyone that has ever read this blog! He's coming to the "Ville" to meet Captain Corky AKA me.

For 150 dollars or so, Shatner and I will be in a picture together. Granted I'll be the one paying, but I can't think of a better way to spend a buck fifty.

Apparently, Shatner's face was the inspiration for Michael Myers. I don't know thing one from horror movies, but I do know from Star Trek, the greatest TV show of all time. The man who played Kirk will be appearing at Fright Night/Fandomfest and even though I don't give a flying fuck about horror movies, I'll be there wading through geeks of all kind.

Originally I was planning on wearing my Kirk uniform, but a good friend pointed out that I would probably be 1 out of 1000 people dressed like the good Captain. So plan B is to break out my T.J. Hooker uniform and wear that for the greatest weekend of my life.

For a little more money I can get a sit down with the Man and conversate on topics such as Star Trek, Horror Movies, horses, bitches, and ho's. I might just do that. All I know is that it's gonna be fucking fantastic.

 

Gifted Insight

The beauty of this blog is that it's here for a multitude of reasons. People from all over the world come to Corky's log to learn about Bingo, Bongo, Bango, and Irving. Miscreants also come, almost daily, to learn how to get high from Benadryl. 

Yes, sometimes I use the log to reflect on my life. Other times I use it to flush out the poison in my head so I can be somewhat of a productive human being. Rarely do I use the content here to spank my bird. There are far better places to go on the Internet for that sort of thing. I've thought about adding that component to the log once or twice though...

There are times when I think the World would benefit from my gifted insight. Did you know that there are persons other than me who think about Gilligan's Island almost every day? That's pretty fucking wild.

Lately Ive been stroking my bird and thinking about how different folks cope with life. Life aint always easy obviously. Some people find it necessary to join a religion in order to deal. Some think that money is the end all be all. Some drink, drug or kill. Some blow their heads off and some just fuck.

For me it always comes back to Star Trek. It's got just enough religion, philosophy, martial arts, superb acting, and good storytelling to inspire me to go forward. One day the world will get it right. Until then I will sit patiently and continue to watch the original 79.

From time to time I'll also get on here and give you a much needed push in the right direction. After all, It's the very least I can do.

"Let me help." A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous novelist will write a classic using that theme. He'll recommend those three words over "I love you."
-James Tiberius Kirk
  

The Boy of Tomorrow and his brother The Lad of Tomorrow.

No time like the present to train The Boy of Tomorrow how to be responsible with a cell phone. I know from experience that at any given time a cell phone can be dropped into a five gallon bucket of paint or left on the hood of a car only to go flying down Dixie Highway at 45 miles per hour. Sometimes cell phones just disappear in the cushion of a beloved red microfiber couch (along with a wallet, keys and the remotes to the TV and DVR) only to materialize three hundred dollars later in The Toddler of Today's hand.

Every time I turn around Max AKA The Boy of Tomorrow is asking me where his new phone is. Max also has two other cell phones but generally ignores them if favor of his new phone. Only when Ben, The Lad of Tomorrow, starts playing with one of Max's three cell phones does Max take notice.

He's constantly on the thing too! Pretending mostly to talk to Grandma Tina or his imaginary friend Ken Tieto. Ken Tieto has red hair and comes over in the middle of the night to hang out with The Boy of Tomorrow. I think Ken tries to get Max to smoke candy cigarettes and drink soda with caffeine in it. "Ken Tieto will be here soon". Sometimes I pick up the phone when Tieto calls and I tell the miscreant to stay the fuck home so Max can get some sleep but it doesn't work. I try to pump more information out of The Boy of Tomorrow about his friend but Max will only give me snippets of information about Ken. The rest I have to piece together. Ken's a lot like Eddie Haskell and has a pretty rough home life so I will be patient with him and let the little shit hang around.

In hindsight the only place we should have registered for Max is Radio Shack. The Boy of Tomorrow turns three in July and wants cupcakes and a radio for his birthday. He did play with his Batcycle and Batman figure for about three seconds tonight and drove it from the living room to the dinning room so there's hope for us having a relationship in the future. He also likes to drink a cup of tea and color before bedtime. Soon it will be tracing and working on Super Heroes but that's not for a few more years. And when he's sick he likes to lay in bed with me and have me read Showcase presents Green Lantern Voulume One to him.

On a quick and very brief note: Being a parent is crazy. I love it but it's fucking insane and scary as shit.

The Lad of Tomorrow loves to eat everything today. The tiny tot has never refused a meal. One time he didn't like a piece of broccoli. It was steamed and not spiced and a little under cooked. Of course it was at a restaurant and not cooked by me or my wife.

In this picture Ben is eating a piece of corned beef. The Lad has good taste considering the shit is eight dollars and change a pound. Tonight Max, Ben and I had Corned Beef on a bagel with a piece of American cheese. Allyson (Mother of The Boy and The Lad) helped Ben with half of his. I put two pieces of cheese on mines and sometimes I use Swiss. For a while I was using brown mustard but it makes my mouth break out in hives. Curious.

Note: The Lad of Tomorrow weighs three ounces less than The Boy of Tomorrow did at the age of One.The Lad of Tomorrow would have been okay had he been born in 1970 since he likes to play with things that don't require a two year contract and insurance. The Boy of Tomorrow would be up shit's creek without a paddle unless The Parent of the Past had the foresight to give the Boy of Tomorrow a toaster.

The only real thing I know about raising Max and Ben is that they will know all three season of Star Trek the Original Serires inside and out and when they turn fourteen I will throw a twenty thousand dollar birthday party (compliments of Grandma Tina) for each of them when they go through Pon farr.

"In Star Trek, Vulcan males and females go into heat every seven years,"  Unlike a Vulcan I go into heat every seven seconds but that's a post for another blog.

This Halloween I'm going as Captain Kirk. Max is going as Mr. Spock and Ben is going as Bones. Allyson hasn't committed on going as Uhura or Christine Chapel yet.

Another Note: If I can figure out a way to get Allyson to approve two cap guns I've been eyeballing at Kroger (Foodtown) then The Boy and The Lad will go as The Lone Ranger and Tonto. That would be really phat but I won't do the costumes without guns. When I grew up guns were a tool writers used on TV to teach morality. Now all they do is kill people... Rats.

A picture of Max and I fighting over a dimebag I found is his school bag in the year 2022.