Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Doctors visit


Yesterday Allyson and I went to our third Doctors visit which lasted maybe 5 minutes. All is well. Our next visit is scheduled for February 14th and that's when we'll learn the gender of our baby. Very good stuff.

I am extremely happy with our doctor and the service and treatment that we've been receiving at B Hospital East. It's been a really pleasant experience. I only have one complaint so far... Yesterday while we were waiting for our appointment I had a hard time finding something to read. I wound up reading an article in a women's music magazine about the worlds most famous virgins throughout history. The two most notable people on this list were the Virgin Mary and Adolph Hitler.

Supposedly Hitter was a virgin when he died and suffered from major sexual dysfunction according to this magazine article. That contradicts information that I learned about him on the History channel. Something about him knocking up his cousin and her being put to death because of it. Jessica Simpson got an honorable mention in this article because she waited until after she was married before letting Nick Lachey rip into her.

Besides that fun magazine all the rest of the reading material focused on family and crafts. No thanks. I rely on Doctor's visits for my health, and fishing and hunting magazine articles. I don't hunt therefore I don't buy hunting magazines but I always like to catch up with all the innovative technology their using and adding to tree stands and scopes. I also like to marvel at healty 10 point bucks even though I have no desire to shoot one myself.

I do like to fish but usually it's in a polluted river right down the street from my house. I don't get to go on remote fishing trips in Alaska that cost 10,000 dollars a day, but usually I get to read about them 15 minutes before a doctor is going to stick his finger up my ass. I always look forward to that (reading those articles not Doc's finger). So after the baby is delivered and were checking out of the hospital, and I receive one of those forms that asks, "what could we have done better," I'm going to ask them to get some Field and Stream magazines in for when we come back in 12 months for round two.

25 comments:

Lady K said...

You're hilarious! Usually all I find are sports magazines and parenting or some shit like that. Then again I guess the parenting one would be good for you right now.

Glad all is well!

RockDog said...

You'd think that they would at elast have Playboy or at the very least Maxim...

captain corky said...

Thanks K, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well!

Exactly Rockdog.

Lady K said...

cork ~ I'll be back up and running in no time. Till then, you've got my "temp" blog, right?

Heidi the Hick said...

What, your doctor's office doesn't even have any three year old issues of People Magazine???

So Corky, if you're looking for a good way to exercise, never fear, because in six months you can get a baby carrier and take the youngun for a looooong walk while your grateful wife sleeps.

As for names, playground test. Imagine yelling it across a playground and see if you feel stupid. Naming a kid is hard. One of these days I'll get around to naming the Girl and the Boy...

captain corky said...

That's a good idea Heidi. I'm going to go outside and start screaming names right now. Not only will I be able to see if the names sound stupid or not but I just might piss off a neighbor or two. That's always fun!

Lady I'm your huckleberry.

Metal Mark said...

I learned to take a book with me when I have to wait. This idea came shortly after both my dentist and local Jiffy Lube apparently cancelled their Sports Illustrated subscriptions.

captain corky said...

Mark I actully took a good look at the book case before we left and voiced my concerns to my wife.

Life, or Something Like It said...

The counselling center that I (sometimes) go to has figure skating magazines. Figure skating? You can make a whole magazine outta that? Oh, yeah and since they're non profit, and free to those of us with cash flow problems, they also have forms availible to anyone who wants to make a cash donation. Thanks.
I people watch when there aren't any magazines. It can be pretty interesting.

Yasamin said...

but usually I get to read about them 15 minutes before a doctor is going to stick his finger up my ass.

SHUH - ZAAM!

HAHA okay sorry. yeah i use the dr's office as an excuse to go buy a magazine to take with me but once i did this and the nurse was like you can leave the magazine. and i was like hell no i wont. and she was like its not nice to steal and i said then stop making me try to leave MY magazine!

she thusly stuck her finger up my butt too.. whats up with that??

Big Pissy said...

I always bring my own reading material and then snicker on the inside at all those poor smucks who have nothing decent to read.


That's just how I roll.

Steven Novak said...

Your reading of hunting magazines is a vain attempt to prove that you're actually a man, and I aint' buying it!

You no hunting, no fishing pansy... ;)

Steve~

Dan said...

I never thought I'd see the Virgin Mary and Adolph Hitler used in the same sentence (one, no less, showing a commonality between them).

Thanks for making that a reality for me.

captain corky said...

Biddie: I like to people watch too but usually in a casino or at a mall.

Yasamin: Nice! Stick it to the Man.

Pissy: I'm gonna have to do that the next time I go the doctors. I might even take it a step further and spring a trap by setting the book down while I wait for some unsuspecting fool to pick it up.

Steve: Try telling that to my third leg!

captain corky said...

Your very welcome Dan. I try to make my writing as innovative as possible.

alicia said...

12 months for round 2?!
Holy Bedpan, Batman... Give your wife a break!

Ms. Tuesday said...

Corky's going for Irish twins... siblings born within 12 months of one another. Poor Alison....

Kim Jong Ramone said...

12 months? Corky I can hear your bilogical clock ticking up here old man.

Heidi on Vashon said...

Field and Stream can be a fun read. I'll spare you the Jeff Foxworthy jokes. Blue Collar TV on comedy central is a guilty pleasure of mine. -hw

James Burnett said...

Glad things are good on the baby/health front.

You're a better man than me. A finger up my ass wouldn't make me want to fish or hunt anymore, much less read about it.

TheBirdman33 said...

They usually make me pay more for a finger up my ass...wait, I think I lost track of the conversation

TheBirdman33 said...

Am I the only one that started picturing our long lost virgin twosome (HItler and Mary) losing it TO EACH OTHER?

Wasn't there a cute 80's movie, "The Last Nazi Virgin"? And the star gets crabs from a hooker? I love that movie!

Lady K said...

Cork ~ posted, on the "new and soon to be improved" site."

Been thru shit, pro'lly gonna go thru more, but am not giving up. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

my url is the usual. Tell wife to hang in there. Junior is only a "few months away." (yeah, tell that to throwing up half the day, ha ha)

Snowflake said...

Um... You were there for an OBGYN apointment. They don't tend to have male oriented mags. It for women. Buy a mag. Read a book. Get an ipod or mp3 player. BRING A COMIC! Or try this; almost all doctor officies have Readers Digest. Even if the articals suck.(and they usually do or at least are boring) there's always Laughter the Best Medicine, and Humor in Uniform,and Life in these United States. and at the end of almost every story there is a small three or four lines of a fun story of such from somebody who wrote in about something that happend to them in real life.
Personally I like scientific mags. Try finding that in any doctors office.

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